at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
