Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
