Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
