So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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