my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
