Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
