a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
