highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
