I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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