My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
