yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
