Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We are all done wearing pants today
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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