Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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