haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
