I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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