i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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