Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
