Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
