Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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