Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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