If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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