I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
