ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
