Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
