You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
