I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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