How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize