I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I seem to have left my pride at pride
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
don't judge my taste in strippers
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
