i wish there were pregnant emoticons
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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