Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
