If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
