I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Terrible idea I love it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
