I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
