I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
