Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
