I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it glows. i had to have it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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