From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
