no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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