you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this beer tastes like vomit already
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
