the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The uberlube is also flammable
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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