you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
