wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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