tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
