Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
