whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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