I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
