I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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