I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
