theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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