Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
